Rant continued...

Ok, well now that I’m finished my assignment I can finally do some serious writing (haha, yer right!) As I said in the last post, I’m having relationship issues at the moment. Now, before I say too much, I don’t want anyone to read to deeply into this and some of you may have some idea of whom I’m talking about.
How do you tell when your feelings for someone are more than just friendship feelings? Can you have a mixture of both feelings? Sometimes feel those nervous-excited feelings and other times simply feel 100% relaxed around them? It’s really frustrating sometimes. Sometimes I crave a relationship, wanting someone special to share my life with, other times I’m happy just being single having my good friends.
I know God has it all in control, and that I don’t need to worry, and that I’m still only young and needn’t worry about all this sort of stuff, but it does get to me sometimes.
Over the last year and even more so the last 6 months, my attitude towards relationships has changed. Before, I wasn’t going to play the “wife role” but now I’ll be happy to play more of a ‘wifey’ tole. I think this reflects somewhat I’ve learnt from watching my family. I don’t think that any child should grow up with both parents working. I realise others may have different views on this topic, but that is were I stand.
This year a lot of my friends have gotten engaged and are soon to be married. I’m entering into the age where most of my friends will start to get engaged and married, and this is a huge wake up call. Now, I’m not saying that I want to get married or engaged, and I don’t’ feel that I’m getting “left behind”, but I just want to find my special person that I can share my life with. I guess that’s one thing that I’m scared of, growing old alone.
But I’m sick of the whole dating game, the next person that I date; I want to be serious about. I’m not saying that they’ll necessarily be the one that I’m going to marry, or that within one week of dating that I’ll be mentioning marriage. But I just don’t want to be dating for the sake of dating.
I have a friend who has a lot of the qualities that I want in my future husband and I really respect those qualities. You know how when you were younger you made a list of all the qualities that you want your future partner to have, well, how much do you stick to that list? Is it possible to get someone with all the qualities you like? Or do you just settle for the ‘best-fit’?
And, how long do you hold onto a hope? Say, you kind of liked someone, but you were entirely sure how they felt about you, do you just get over it and move on, or do you hold onto a hope? If so, do you just try your luck that they might say or do something to let you know how they feel about you, or do you speak up and risk the friendship by telling them how you feel?
Why are relationships so complicated?!